Looking for that ONE

In our recent time, people often set criteria or preference on whom to care about. We are very ideal when it comes to that; just like on the movies, when the perfect guy and the perfect girl meet and would live their happily ever after – and we just so wanted that exact same scenario in our life! Some wanted to have a guy who’s 6 feet tall, with a pair of pretty eyes to melt their heart away when he stares at her, or a six jam packed abs to knock her of her feet; or a girl whose stat are as comparable as that of sexiest woman alive or some one who’s as appealing as Aphrodite – but little do they realize, when it comes to love, you can never be too specific who to love.

I was constantly was looking for something both superficially and underneath from all the people I went out with. Some were too good to be true that would make you think twice if you’ll ever get into the plunge with them and some were too impossible to see yourself with them because of their childishness or whatever. Of the people I recently met, there is this some one that made me go beyond what I want. No, this person may not be perfect, at least not on the physical aspect nor on the personality, but I didn’t have control on it! It made me realize that once you catch the disease, all of your preferences will be put into none sense! The disease of love is something I can never seem to understand all these years knowing and living about it. Once you catch it, you’ll never know what’s coming. It was a dilemma to me the first time I realize that I was going beyond what I wanted. But then again, as days pass by, it was becoming beyond my control and I finally gave up trying to control it. If there is something that would make you go beyond what you want, then therefore, it really means a lot. You’ll go beyond what you want, what you prefer and what you’ve always day dreamed about. The next thing you’ll know, you’re just so lost inside.

The striking thing that I recently learned in the field of this very complicated thing called dating and love – or whatever you wanted to call it – is that you can never be sure that all would flow into the way you simply want them to flow. My heart was once again run off by a raging train. There were no early warning device, no alerts, and no nothing at all. And what’s worst was that I wasn’t expecting a dead end from something I really believed that could work out from all of these years of wanting to finally find what I lost years back. I tried to swim the deep waters, and I think I drowned because I wasn’t able to check its depth before I plunged in.  This recent experience hit me straight, realizing that even the innocent creature in the world can be cruel, or even the prettiest rose even have thorns.  It’s like seeing a beautiful flame, and I was so deceived by the warmth of the light, and I just wanted to be so near it but I just got caught in its bright and warm flame!

Lesson learned from this experience is that you can never dictate fate on who to give you, on who to love you or who you are to love, for who ever comes your way would sometimes be the least that you expect to come at the most unexpected moment and may do the unexpected thing. You can never too choosy who to care about and who would break your poor heart.

October 9, 2009

5:19 AM

Singled Out!

September 2009 marks my 3^rd year of being out of the commitment scene after almost 4 years of relationship with a special person who I held dearly in my life. I have been in and out of the dating scene with random people from all walks of life, various ages, and from various fields. Not that I am choosy when it comes to people but I seem not to find what I really wanted from all those people that I met.

One of them was this guy from the computer shop, a technician, who I met when I accidentally spilled my food all over my laptop’s keyboard. Well, he was cute, tall and kind (I think all are). We went out handful of times, I tried to work it out with him, but I can’t seem to find that spark! So I decided to stop seeing him because I didn’t want to spend his time as well as mine for I know it was a dead end for him and I. Anyway, I enjoyed the motorbike ride and meeting his family. He was too childish for me, and btw I was also alarmed by a statement that he really is somewhat childish from one of my good friends from their village that really added up to my decision to actually stop seeing him.  The next one was this girl from the net that I met, I was just intrigued by her upon seeing her profile on one of the online groups so I sent her a message. From there, we constantly messaged each other, hoping that it’ll be something more to it. But to top it all up, I was surprised to know that she has a boyfriend. At first, I was like “c’mon now, just walk away”, but I still gave it a shot. Met her up and we had a great time together, which was by the way, the first and last meet up we did. She was bubbly, and happy to be around with, she was amazing. But I remember exactly this particular time that I really got jealous of the boyfriend that really made me decide to actually stop doing what I was doing. I never wanted to be the “other one” in a relationship; I think I deserve more than that and that I am still not that desperate to be. So again, I drifted away. We are still in contact with each other but I think there’s a very clear line that determines where we really stand, and I don’t see that line being crossed any time sooner. Sure there was moments of sparks to that, but it wasn’t enough to make me break my principles (which is “I will never be the other ONE” on a relationship coz I’ve been there before, but unfortunately, I was the one cheated at; no good at all!). The next one was quite funny coz he was just younger than I, he was just 18 when I met him. I felt like I was to commit a crime for dating a guy that age! (LOL).  He is half Swiss, you can only imagine how handsome he is. But he’s a momma’s boy, and I can’t picture myself around with that kind of person. I was like saying to myself that the thing that his mother doesn’t realize is that not too long, sooner or later, he will date and marry. I feel like due to this, his son wasn’t really able to explore the big world out there and that he is missing a LOT! I met him once, but he had to run off after some chit chat coz he was headed back to his class. Oh, and did I mention that he had his own driver? I realized what a cute brat, with a face of Polo Ravales, he could be; but I didn’t think it’ll work out for me. The next was a government employee on a nearby city.  Well, he certainly is handsome who looks like Derek Ramsey but not that tall. He also had a motor, we rode our way round town after watching a band and dining which I enjoyed but I felt smothered by him and I don’t want that, especially if it is something physical we are talking about! Good thing I didn’t let him pick me up nor drop me off home, I think he has this tendency of being a stalker! I felt pressured so I decided not to see him ever again after 3 times. Up to date, he still is bothering me in SMS every now and then. There was even a time last year where I got fed up and straight forwardly asked him to stop, but he responded as if he didn’t mind what I said, and I really hated that! I admire guys who built houses, a real are macho, with his pick up truck. One of the other guys I’ve dated was some sorta like that. He was an engineer, from a family of engineers, a real maginoo, and mabait (no doubt about that), oh, and did I mentioned 11years older than I, but I really didn’t mind that. We went bar hoping from Angeles to San Fernando, from night till morning, he has this good humor that will make you enjoy his company. But of all, he’s the only one that I trusted to pick me up and drop me off our house; not all felling special or what, but I just don’t simply trust people. Well, it’s not just for me but for the security of my family as well. Reason that I think it didn’t worked out is that as for all the past dates I had, I just didn’t felt the spark. And so, I had to move on.  Of all the people I dated, this one that I met from the bar one gimik nights with friends was the one I frequently went out with. He was kind and very outgoing, I likes seeing movies that I liked to, doesn’t mind if I wanted to go food tripping after my duty, he’s always there even with just short notice (like an hour before the time we are to meet). I enjoyed movies with him, playing in the arcade, enjoying on a real good meal and all other stuff. Drawbacks with him is that he is simply not that guy who’d let his ego down for a while, and be humble for just a second; which makes me think that guys, perhaps mostly, are like that. I really thought that he was the next one that I’m going to see myself with for sometime but again, I didn’t felt like committing myself (again).

In and out of the dating scene as I had been for this past years, I’m a bit used to it. With a hopeless romantic heart and an ideal relationship pictured on my head, I have tried to open up to other people, but I always find a reason not to pursue; Or on the second thought, maybe it’s not yet my time to meet the right one. Actually, I wasn’t really looking for it anymore; I just decided one day to stop chasing on the butterfly and maybe, just maybe, one sunny day, when all is fine and dandy, it’ll just come to me.

the blogging thingy!

I’ve been blogging since college and I didn’t know why I stopped one day (was so preoccupied by the boards perhaps). I’ve always had a lot of thoughts that I wanted to write about but I somehow can’t manage to take time to sit on my table and type them into words. Anyway, I missed doing this! And it’s been like history since my last post (at least the last post that made sense at all). In all fairness, I realized a lot has change as I was browsing through my previous posts! Time really flies fast eh?! I am now a nurse (a registered one – Hurrah!), single (ready to mingle – just dates and more dates…period.), working (without pay) but somehow manages to get an extra cash (needed to! Have to!) , still very much with my parents, loves movies but still not watching much local stations (I used to think then that I was just busy at school, but now I know certainly that was just an excuse), I get most of the news through the net (I’d rather read than watch them – Oh yah, I remember watching local TV news without any news to be happy about! Saddens me.), I don’t get late anymore (not that much!) and I’m not impatient (not that much as well!), also, I now go to gym regularly (two thumbs up!) Surprisingly, I enjoy going even if its filled majority with people who’s ages are older than mine (used to be with my best bud but she stopped already, she now attends medicine school – best of luck!). One of the people there had a Stroke at the age of 50’s, now he’s all well, and mind you, he’s in great shape, looking like just in his 40’s. I just realize by doing this rather than be sedentary the whole day at home, at least it is something that will make me healthy (to be fit is just secondary! LOL! I’m not hoping to get any thinner, coz I think I’m at my best figure and if I loose more, I might end up on the floor at OR– that I don’t want to happen ever, I’m in between 112-118lbs, BMI not exceeding 24 – just enough), --- a thing for certain, something/s has changed! (but not all… -- not the time to be mushy! )


As of this moment, I sit in my room, lit only with the screen of my laptop, feeling all in love (in love with the unknown _ “DAW”) with this song (listening to Corrine Rae’s “Like a Star” over and over again!). I just updated my playlist, 50 songs took the whole afternoon of downloading! I’m sure my mom’s laptop has a worm (cause I used limewire, still not that good with using torrent – a lot people had told me it’s safer than limewire), I wasn’t able to scan her hard disk before shutting down (she was grunting already and I just have to hurry, I didn’t want to use mine, hihihi). Going back to what I really want to share, I just can’t stop laughing to myself from dance session at the gym – the first class I took a while ago. We were taught of some steps. Getting all giddy up to do them with all grace, I thought we were to dance a RnB song (cause all the while, the instructor plays RnB – was just a teaser!) or something with a good beat that fits perfectly with the steps, then the instructor (I tell you, she’s one of the best that they have!) plays Poker Face. Haha. As the chorus approaches, I was reminded of Lady Gaga’s trademark outfit, an out fit I never get if it is meant for aero classes – such as the one I am having – but I never wore such! Haha! – or if it were ever meant for swimming classes! I’m still confused though! Then I look back, trying to contain myself, there was this someone wearing same outfit. It was hilarious! I just can’t stop giggling inside! Talking about Lady Gaga, her music are nice (I appreciate them, House/ Dance music is one of my fave genres) but I just don’t like much her outfit. I remember my brother told me they featured her on TV arriving at the airport with such outfit (the one I was talking about that I ain’t sure if it were for an aero or swimming class). I’m pretty sure that I am not the only one who’s curious (am I?). It’s just not the outfit for the plane. Which gives me a flash back on how tight the decorum on our school was back in college (saying “back in college” makes me feel soooo old). No sleeveless, skirts, nail polish (but how come the CBA’s can?), long hair for guys (just like in high school), even havaianas (fake or genuine – LOL. I never bought or wore one fake nor genuine; I think it is impractical to pamper your feet with a SLIPPER tagged at a thousand peso, or even just half of it). Any how, schools are schools, and airports are airports! They are two different places, with two different rules on decorum on dress codes. I just can’t take thinking students going to school with outfits as Lady Gaga’s. haha. Kudos to Lady Gaga! Goodnight.



9:53pm August 17, 2009